New Zealand Archives - The Golden AlbatrossThe Golden Albatross

Here’s an imaginary conversation that’s been playing in my head recently:

- - Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Hey Grumpus, I noticed you haven’t posted any new articles in a while. Is everything OK?”
  - Grumpus: “Thanks for asking, but unfortunately, no, everything is not OK. I’ve been mourning a personal loss.”
  - Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Oh…I’m sorry for your loss. Who are you mourning?”
  - Grumpus:“Not who but what.”
  - Almost non-existent long-term reader: “OK … That’s strange … What are you mourning?”
  - Grumpus:“I’m mourning the death of my defined benefit pension-enabled Financial Independence Retire Early (FIRE) in New Zealand lifestyle. It died in October 2022, when I returned to full-time work.”
  - Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! However, I’m afraid I must report you to the Internet Retirement Police (IRP) that Mr. Money Mustache talks about.”
  - Grumpus: “I understand. I’m now a FIRE imposter. Tell the IRP that I’ll go willingly.”

(Moments later, as the IRP is dragging a defeated Grumpus into the police van)

- - Grumpus: “My first attempt at a FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle is dead. LONG LIVE MY SECOND FIRE IN NEW ZEALAND LIFESTYLE!”

The End of a Short Era

You read that imaginary conversation correctly. My defined benefit pension-enabled FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle only lasted 1 year, 4 months, & 23 days. By FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle, I mean the time I spent in retirement with no GI Bill-sponsored or other full-time work-related income. During that time, my family and I lived in New Zealand, relying solely on the income from my Department of Defense and Veteran’s Administration (VA) pensions. I must admit, with a small amount of pride, we did an excellent job of staying under those spending limits.

Why, then, did I return to full-time work? I did it because a defined benefit (DB) pension cannot buy a New Zealand residence-class visa. And without a resident visa, an immigrant family like mine cannot FIRE in New Zealand. That’s not to say that money can’t buy residence in New Zealand because it most certainly can through an investor visa. However, in the post-pandemic New Zealand immigration system, that potential visa pathway was moved beyond my family’s ability to achieve. As a result, even though I’m guaranteed to earn the same inflation-protected amount of money each month until the day that I die, it wasn’t enough. I found myself at the uncomfortable crossroads of a return-to-work decision around September 2022. Continue reading →

Long Time Comin’

For more than nine months I’ve promised several readers an article covering the geoarbitrage potential behind Grumpus Familias’ pending move to New Zealand — which I’m calling “Kiwi Arbitrage” in honor of the beloved flightless bird native to New Zealand. Yet, for one reason or another, I kept putting-off that particular task. In other words, I procrastinated. That’s something of an Olympic sport in certain parts of my life.

That said, I had several good reasons for procrastinating this time around. The most legitimate was the lack of approved entry visas. I didn’t want to waste time writing an article on New Zealand only for some reason to appear that would prevent us from moving. If you don’t think that was a realistic possibility, then you obviously haven’t read about my lifetime of Charlie Brown-like luck.

Alas, I can procrastinate no longer. Grumpus Familias’ visas arrived several weeks ago and no major obstacles sprang out of the military retirement process. As a result, flights and movers are booked and Mrs. Grumpus and I are busy selling off or donating a large fraction of our worldly possessions that we can’t or don’t want to take with us. While we haven’t “burnt the boats” just yet, we are close — which means this move is on like the proverbial simian made famous by ColecoVision! Continue reading →