Here’s an imaginary conversation that’s been playing in my head recently:

• • • Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Hey Grumpus, I noticed you haven’t posted any new articles in a while. Is everything OK?”
    • Grumpus: “Thanks for asking, but unfortunately, no, everything is not OK. I’ve been mourning a personal loss.”
    • Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Oh…I’m sorry for your loss. Who are you mourning?”
    • Grumpus:“Not who but what.”
    • Almost non-existent long-term reader: “OK … That’s strange … What are you mourning?”
    • Grumpus:“I’m mourning the death of my defined benefit pension-enabled Financial Independence Retire Early (FIRE) in New Zealand lifestyle. It died in October 2022, when I returned to full-time work.”
    • Almost non-existent long-term reader: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that! However, I’m afraid I must report you to the Internet Retirement Police (IRP) that Mr. Money Mustache talks about.”
    • Grumpus: “I understand. I’m now a FIRE imposter. Tell the IRP that I’ll go willingly.”

(Moments later, as the IRP is dragging a defeated Grumpus into the police van)

• • • Grumpus: “My first attempt at a FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle is dead. LONG LIVE MY SECOND FIRE IN NEW ZEALAND LIFESTYLE!”

The End of a Short Era

You read that imaginary conversation correctly. My defined benefit pension-enabled FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle only lasted 1 year, 4 months, & 23 days. By FIRE in New Zealand lifestyle, I mean the time I spent in retirement with no GI Bill-sponsored or other full-time work-related income. During that time, my family and I lived in New Zealand, relying solely on the income from my Department of Defense and Veteran’s Administration (VA) pensions. I must admit, with a small amount of pride, we did an excellent job of staying under those spending limits.

Why, then, did I return to full-time work? I did it because a defined benefit (DB) pension cannot buy a New Zealand residence-class visa. And without a resident visa, an immigrant family like mine cannot FIRE in New Zealand. That’s not to say that money can’t buy residence in New Zealand because it most certainly can through an investor visa. However, in the post-pandemic New Zealand immigration system, that potential visa pathway was moved beyond my family’s ability to achieve. As a result, even though I’m guaranteed to earn the same inflation-protected amount of money each month until the day that I die, it wasn’t enough. I found myself at the uncomfortable crossroads of a return-to-work decision around September 2022.

Is This Another NZ Immigration Post?

Potentially, yes, it is another NZ immigration post. If you’re interested in the planning and flexibility it takes to make a successful Kiwiarbitrage move and FIRE in New Zealand, you should read on. That’s especially true if you are or are going to be retired US military. However, it’s also a post about what happens when your DB pension-based retirement plans run into the reality of life. My mismatch was using a DB pension to FIRE in New Zealand when their immigration system makes no provisions for such. But your mismatch might be trying to use your DB pension to do something different. No matter the cause, the keys to successfully surmounting the challenges are the same.

FIRE #1: How Did We Get Here?

For those that don’t remember or never knew, I officially retired from the US military at the end of December 2019. One month later, my family and I moved to New Zealand. My pensions helped to fund our first 15 months in New Zealand (FEB 2020 – MAY 2021). The GI Bill also helped since I used it for a second master’s degree at a small polytechnic university in Nelson, New Zealand. The master’s degree was simply a mechanism to enter the country legally with my family and an opportunity to tap the income from my GI Bill. Since I hadn’t transferred it to my kids, it made sense to use it.

In May 2021, the GI Bill income stopped because I successfully concluded the master’s program. From then on, our only regular income came from my DoD and VA pensions. We also had investments we could’ve drawn upon if needed, but we didn’t. Regardless, I consider the time from the end of the GI Bill money in May 2021 until returning to work in October 2022 as my first DB pension-funded FIRE in New Zealand attempt.

Tick-Tock-Ticking Away

Coincidentally, at the end of the master’s program in May 2021, the clock started on a three-year post-study work visa for my family and me. The three-year post-study work visa is just what it sounds like. It meant my wife or I had three years to find some way to convert to a residence visa, most likely through employment. Otherwise, the family would have to leave NZ in May 2024.

We made it as far as October 2022 before I returned to work, which isn’t too close to the deadline. We did that primarily because the visa conversion process can take up to a year. In other words, we didn’t want everything coming down to the wire.

Retirement Plan, Meet COVID-19

My wife and I always knew that finding a full-time job at a qualifying wage threshold was our primary path to New Zealand residence. The plan, however, had been for Mrs. G to find that job since she wanted to return to full-time work. Unfortunately, she spent her first 32 months in New Zealand looking for, but not finding, a full-time job that qualified her.

She was unsuccessful for many reasons, including her non-consecutive work history due to having children. This is something all too familiar for many military wives. However, the death blow for this part of our plan was New Zealand shutting its borders for over two years to tourists during the COVID-19 pandemic. Most of Mrs. G’s qualifications and previous work history were in tourism, and she could only find part-time work in a non-related field. From that aspect, my military skillset proved much more suited to finding a full-time job that met resident visa requirements.

The other issue that influenced my return to work was my successful neck surgery in April 2022 and a complete recovery by September 2022. The successful result meant I could work in an office environment again (i.e., behind a computer) without losing feeling in my hands or experiencing pain in my shoulders. As a writer, that particular affliction was maddening, and I was more than happy with the surgery results. But that joy was moderated by the fact that I could only return to full-time work because of those quality-of-life improvements, proof of which is below.

Grief: The First Stage of Loss

Since I started this blog as both a mechanism to help other people and as a therapeutic outlet, I think it’s only fitting to say a prayer for what I lost when I returned to work. I will now channel my inner chaplain, known as Grumpus Pastorus.

Let us all bow our heads …

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing we call … Grumpus Maximus’s first FIRE life in New Zealand.

You may not remember that part of Prince’s Let’s Go Crazy, but trust me, that’s what Prince meant.

In any case, while not the most productive period of GM’s life, his first FIRE in New Zealand attempt proved an excellent effort. During it, he coached soccer and cricket teams for Grumpus Minimus #1 and golf caddied twice a week for Grumpus Minimus #2. He and GM#1 even jumped off of rocks and into emerald river pools. He also committed to and then regained some much-needed physical fitness because he realized there were no more excuses for his slovenliness.

Finally, and somewhat abashedly, he may have also completed a few video game campaigns he never had the time to complete during his military career. We shall not condemn him for that but praise how he embraced his inner child. Of course, in between all of that, he wrote a few (but not nearly many as he should’ve) blog posts. Needless to say, his second book didn’t magically materialize either.

That said, his main aim was to simply be present in his family’s life. Instead of living on the periphery while working, he was front and center for everyone. Instead of grabbing what time he could in those few hours between work and sleep, he had the luxury of devoting time to whatever family task, need, or desire that came about. While Mrs. Grumpus may disagree, GM had few complaints and enjoyed his first FIRE in New Zealand opportunity. At present, he misses this luxury of time the most. May it long be remembered.

Amen.

Case in Point

I can’t recall if I ever addressed this in blog form, but it turns out that GM#2 scores on the autism spectrum. Fortunately, he scores low on the spectrum. Still, like many who deal with autism, he hates new experiences full of unknowns, a significant chance of failure, and/or getting hurt. A perfect example of this is learning how to ride a bike. He refused to attempt it for years longer than most kids his age. This set him apart from many NZ kids in his class since they tend to learn young. Not only that, but it was damn inconvenient because we couldn’t go on family bike rides!

Getting GM#2 to a point where he was willing to try took a lot of effort. This included numerous bike rides where I hooked a tagalong to my bike. We spent many months peddling around one of the local neighborhoods (near the Nelson airport) on something that looked like a bicycle built for two. However, it wasn’t until I dangled the carrot of a special trip to Christchurch International Airport to plane spot for a few days that he agreed to learn. It was only through the appeal of something he’s obsessed with (plane spotting) that he found the willingness to try.

SOFIA

It didn’t take GM#2 long to learn once I bought him his bike. That time on the tagalong paid off. So, too, did the plane spotting motivation. As a result, we made that trip to Christchurch to plane spot in August 2022.

Christchurch, by the way, isn’t close to Nelson. It’s a day’s drive or an airplane ride away. I decided we’d fly since GM#2 loves planes. We could afford it as a family because of what I mentioned at the beginning of this article, living below our means from my two pensions.

Furthermore, the luxury of time allowed me to synch our trip to the final Christchurch flight of NASA’s flying observatory, which is called SOFIA. My son was obsessed with this plane because it would regularly winter in Christchurch. From there, it would fly down to the crisp and clear Antarctic winter airspace at night to conduct celestial observations. He loved tracking these flights via the Flightradar 24 app.

Sadly, though, NASA decided to retire the aircraft by the end of the 2022 fiscal year. However, not before it made one more southern hemisphere deployment to Christchurch in June 2022. As a result, in late-July 2022, I just happened to be planning the Christchurch trip, and I could time it with SOFIA’s departure in early August.

SOFIA’s final departure from Christchurch was a big deal, at least by New Zealand standards. Such a big deal, that national news crews were in the traditional plane spotters’ parking lot for the final flight. And guess who they asked to interview before the flight? GM#2! In the end, they only used a little footage, but it was enough for him to make the national nightly news, which got him stoked.

The Luxury of Time and Means in Retirement

The point here isn’t about making the national news. It’s about having the time and means in retirement to devote to my son’s well-being in a way I can’t do when working full time. That Christchurch trip took place mid-week, and it was also nearly spontaneous. Sure, I had promised him a trip if he learned to ride his bike. But he learned so fast that it opened up the opportunity to make the journey in time for the SOFIA flight. Since I wasn’t working, I didn’t have to deconflict days off or work schedules. Nor did I have to ask anyone for permission. I just did, and I did because I could.

That’s the point of a pension-based FIRE lifestyle, or any FIRE lifestyle, for that matter. It provides the luxury of time and means. It’s that luxury that I’m currently mourning the loss of. No more can I drop everything and go. Now I have to ask the boss for days off, and I also must ensure that someone can cover the workload.

This is made more poignant because my job is currently located in Queenstown, while my family lives in Nelson. This means I work away from home for weeks at a time. Granted, I got used to working away from home while in the military. But it was also one of the reasons that drove me to retire in the first place.

Punched in the Face

After hearing about an upcoming opponent’s plan to beat him, Mike Tyson famously said, “Everybody has plans until they get hit for the first time.” I’ve seen an alternate version that says “…until they get punched in the face,” which I like better, but you get my point either way. Granted, Mike Tyson isn’t the most respectable person in the world. Still, his quote has ubiquity for anyone who plans anything. And, if there’s anything you should know about me from this blog, I love to plan. In fact, there’s an entire section of this blog devoted to retirement planning, and this article is the latest entry.

My return to work wasn’t part of my and Mrs. G’s original FIRE in New Zealand plan. And it certainly wasn’t the plan that I would return to full-time employment in a different city from my family. However, that is how things played out. I needed a job that matched my military skillsets and fit Immigration New Zealand’s (INZ) residence visa requirements. Surprisingly, the convergence of those two requirements took me to Queenstown.

“Plans Are Worthless, But Planning is Everything”

In hindsight, Mrs. G and I may have stuck to our original FIRE in New Zealand plan for too long. Although, since part of my return to work was conditions-based due to my surgery, that point is debatable. It’s also uncertain whether returning to work before Immigration New Zealand (INZ) released its post-COVID immigration rule changes would have done much good. There was an approximately two-year period during the pandemic where INZ stopped processing most visa applications altogether, except for a limited number of health professionals who wanted to emigrate. It wasn’t until after INZ revamped significant parts of the immigration system that they started processing the backlog of applications and taking new ones. In my mind, there wasn’t much point in job hunting before understanding the new lay of the land, which I was able to discern by September 2022.

That set of circumstances brings me to the quote from President Eisenhower that I used for this section’s title. As a result of our thorough planning before initially moving to NZ, we knew there was no visa category for retirees with a steady stream of DB pension income. Thus, we intuited that a pension couldn’t purchase New Zealand residence. Therefore, there was always a chance I might have to return to work since we were trying to shove an oval peg into a round hole with my wife’s qualifications. Of course, we had backup plans and backup to backup plans. But, like the investor visa, we scratched those off the list as INZ announced the post-COVID changes to the immigration system.

Permanence

Honestly, the final reason for my return to work was Mrs. G’s desire for permanence. By that, I mean Mrs. G wanted to be able to call New Zealand home and set down some roots. The physical manifestation of that permanence for her is buying a house, which immigrants can’t do in New Zealand until they become residents. Thus, in her mind, no job means no residence visa, which means no house, which in turn means no permanence. I wrote that as a mathematical equation for you down below:

• • • no job = no resident visa = no house = no permanence

As for me, I was more sanguine. That’s because I had my backup to my backup plan. I would’ve started a Ph.D. program somewhere in NZ at the beginning of 2024. In doing so, I could’ve used the remainder of my GI Bill. By doing a Ph.D., we could’ve stayed for the length of the program plus another three-year post-study visa. Although, none of that would’ve provided residence, and we couldn’t have bought a house based on those events alone.

The Worst Mistake Comes Back to Haunt

Speaking of which, the New Zealand housing market is crazy stupid. Not only that but purchasing our first and only home in 2004 traumatized me! It was my largest financial mistake. Literally. Had I not made it, a New Zealand investor visa would’ve been the least of our concerns. You should read my article about it if you don’t believe me.

So, yeah, if I had my druthers, we’d be renters for life. But after 17 years of marriage, I know it’s not just about me. A happy wife is a happy life, and she’s not asking for something out of my capability to provide. It’s a down payment of time now, with the upside of permanence later. How much later is the question in my mind, though.

The New Plan

I’ve got a new plan that may answer my question above. It primarily involves me working long enough to secure a resident visa, which we’re already applying for. In the meantime, I’ll continue to hustle my tail off while successfully completing a few of the big projects I was hired to complete. Once done, I’ll negotiate a work-from-home plan where I work out of the office one week out of every four or six while working the remainder from home.

After that, the next question is, what will I do if/when we get residence? Currently, I like my new job. Not only do I get to use my military-honed skills again, but I get to do it in an industry I have always wanted to work in. My workmates are friendly, and the intellectual challenge is stimulating. So, giving up work entirely doesn’t necessarily appeal to me. That said, working full-time for many more years doesn’t appeal to me either. I want to be there for my kids through their tweens and teens! So, the mid-to-long range future may involve part-time work and a flexible schedule that affords me some Dad of the Year opportunities.

In the meantime, we’ll keep socking away the money I’m making because Mrs. G’s permanence (i.e., house) won’t pay for itself. Fortunately, I’m making good money by New Zealand standards. Also, since we’ve learned to live below the means of my two pensions, everything I’m making now is just gravy. As long as we don’t engage in lifestyle creep, there’s no reason we wouldn’t be able to pay for a house in cash when the time comes.

No Plan Survives First Contact

Of course, life will probably get in the way of my new plan, perhaps in a rather large and yet-to-be-determined manner. But that’s OK. The utility of making the new plan was in the planning, not the plan. Good planning provides the mental flexibility needed to adapt to changing conditions. When done thoroughly, it provides familiarity with all the pertinent information beforehand. So, when some of that information starts to update or change, you better understand what’s driving that change. Therefore, you can react more quickly and decisively if that’s needed.

Planning isn’t the only thing that provides flexibility, though. My two pensions also substantially contribute, primarily by providing an income floor under which my family and I will never fall. Thus, work in a post-residence visa situation is ultimately optional. Alternatively, should the absolute worst happen and our residence visa gets disapproved, we still have the means to live well no matter where we choose to move next. Ultimately, we’d like to stay in New Zealand if allowed, but as I just spent 3,385 words explaining, that residence visa is one thing my pensions can’t buy!

Great is the Enemy of Good Enough

If you’re still reading this, you’re probably looking for a clear-cut lesson at this point, so here it is. Great retirement planning is about matching the correct tools to the proper job. And in that regard, if each retirement savings mechanism is considered a tool, then my DB pensions were never the proper tools for the FIRE in New Zealand job. A taxable investment account with 3 million New Zealand dollars’ worth of assets would’ve been the right tool. I say that because, when we emigrated, $3 million New Zealand was the minimum threshold for an investor visa. Had we that amount of money at the end of 2019, we would’ve had a great FIRE in New Zealand retirement plan.

By the way, in the post-COVID New Zealand immigration system, that minimum threshold is now the equivalent of $5 million New Zealand. If you got that kind of money, then congratulations! You can emigrate to New Zealand and FIRE at the same time. In my humble opinion, that would be a kick-ass retirement plan.

Back to my point, our original FIRE in New Zealand plan wasn’t built on great; it was built on good enough. My pensions and the GI Bill were good enough to get us here legally and allowed us to establish a firm foothold. For that, I am grateful. In hindsight, what they enabled us to do is yet another silver lining (literally) from my traumatic decision to stay for my pension. But the pensions were never the answer to our resident visa problem. As much as I hoped some rule change would sweep across the post-pandemic New Zealand immigration landscape, I knew it was improbable.

The bottom line, I was always aware that I might need to return to work. So, as much as I’m mourning the demise of my first FIRE in New Zealand attempt, I’m not terribly bent out of shape over its demise. At the same time, I’m very much looking forward to my second attempt. Long may it last!