Author Archives: Grumpus

About Grumpus

Personal Finance Blogger, Father, Husband, Student, Hobby Horticulturalist, and Retired U.S. Military

The Reluctant Financial Voyeur

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Foreclosure From The Great Recession

Over the past two work weeks, I helped financially counsel a fellow officer whose residual financial issues from the Great Recession stood to impact his career.  There we were, almost 10 years from the start of the downturn, looking at foreclosure documents starting in 2009.  He’d only settled the foreclosure within the last year, and the DoD wanted answers.  In some ways, I could hardly believe it.  In other ways, it was a sobering reminder about the lasting impact that event will have on American society for years, possibly generations, to come.

It also proved an interesting glimpse into another financial way a life.  I found a life almost alien to mine because decades ago my fellow officer chose to build wealth through rental properties.  Despite my personal negative history with a 2004 property purchase (as related previously on this blog), I hold no ill will for those who choose property investment as a method for building wealth.  If it works for them, that’s great.  However, my comrade-in-arms had specifically chosen a highly leveraged method for acquiring rental properties.  As I questioned him on the simple details that he should’ve known from using this strategy, I quickly realized he lacked the acumen for it.

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The Pension Series (Part 1): Pension Safety

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The Grumpy Labourski

I just realized the serendipitous nature of the topic I chose for this Labor Day weekend’s post, which is pension safety.  Of course, for my one international reader, I refer to U.S. Labor Day.  Don’t confuse it with the rest of the world’s International Worker’s (Labour) Day, otherwise known as May Day.  The U.S. celebrates its laboring workers in September due to May Day’s association with the Haymarket Affair and the Communist Party.  There’s no way this Cold War kid would celebrate some Commie Red version of Labor Day.  Of course, now I feel torn between shouting either “WOLVERINES!” or “YeehaaAAAWWW!” in homage to one of the two greatest Cold War movies of all time.  I’ll let you decide which one is laced with more irony. (Grumpus Maximus is an Amazon Associate, see Disclosures for more details.)

Seriously Dude, Wolverines!

Jokes aside, this article marks the start of a new series of posts centered on pensions.  My choice of Labor Day weekend to begin this series, while fitting, was coincidental.  In all honesty, I don’t plan that far in advance.  I decided to write about pensions because I noticed that the blog’s kind of light on pension discussions.  That’s not good for a blog “Where Financial Independence (FI) and Pensions Meet to Create a Better Retired Life”.  Thus, I felt it was time to rectify that oversight. Continue reading →

Test Your Retirement Plan: FI Numbers Don’t Lie, But … (Part 2)

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Test your retirement plan

Sister, I killed Colonel Grumpus in the Drawing Room with a lead pipe.

Grumpus The Confessor

I have a confession to make.  I put off writing this post for a while.  When I first started my blog, I had always intended to demonstrate how to test your retirement plan.  I wanted to do this by using a high powered retirement calculator.  Doing so would complement what I consider the biggest strength of my website: the series of practical “How To” retirement plan articles in the Planning section.  However, I needed to tackle some other topics first.  I wanted to walk financially novice readers up to a point where they could understand the subject matter of this article.  Yet, I essentially hit that point weeks ago, and still, I delayed.

Part of that delay was due to the complexity of what I intended to describe.  It’s hard to write effectively about the steps needed to test your retirement plan.  A technically savvy blogger would simply post a video of how to do this, but that is beyond my capability at the moment.  As a point of reference, I was happy enough when I figured out how to embed a spreadsheet into this post.  Maybe someday I will circle back and create a video once I obtain the skills, and find the time. Continue reading →

FI Numbers Don’t Lie, But They May Mislead (Part 1)

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Stop What You’re Doing …

stop sucking

Cuz I’m about to ruin the Grumpus sense and style that you’re used to?

In the now timeless words of Chris Farley, “Holy Schneikes!”.  I saw a lot of negativity on the interwebs this week, which made me regret getting a Book of Face account.  I only got an account in order to run a Financial Independence (FI) blog.  Prior to that I was as anti-FB as they come, and had never had an account.  In fact, I still do not have personal account, just this semi-awesome public persona with his two avid followers (thanks kids!).

I used to simply listen to podcasts about the cognitive dissonance people engaged in on the internet, now I get to see it first hand.  I used to read well thought out news articles that would lay out facts, points, and counter-points forcing me to think about all sides of an issue.  Now I get sucked into the visceral, opinion laden, and nonfactual diarrhea that spews out from peoples’ minds, through their thumbs, and into their comments box.  Is it me, or do people just like to shout “fake news”, strap into their echo chambers, and argue past each other with no intent, or hope, in reaching common ground.  It’s enough to make a grumpy guy like me point out that people suck … I mean REALLY suck.

What does any of that have to do with personal finances, FI,  and retirement planning?  I don’t know, but I felt it needed to be said.  If that loses me an occasional reader, so be it.  As Bob Dole once said, “…the exits, which are clearly marked, are for you…“. Continue reading →

You Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

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Grumpus, the Elderus Caninus?

The other day Mrs. Grumpus tried to kill me … twice.  She sent me an email while I was at work, asking if our budget could support her joining a new community center with gym, childcare, and pool akin to the YMCA.  The price tag attached to her query nearly gave me a heart attack.  Fortunately, my bike commute has paid off, and my heart withstood the initial shock.  To put this in context, since our marriage I’ve adamantly refused to pay for a gym membership since all military bases,  big and small, have gyms — many with the type of classes she likes to take.  It is an expense that does not make sense in the overall context of the benefits that the military affords its members.  With that said, we’ve paid for outdoor exercise classes before, and at the time she asked about the possibility of joining the new community center, she had just stopped going to her latest outdoor class due to the summer break.  In her email, she also listed several other memberships she was willing to let lapse.  When I did the math though, the memberships she proposed to let lapse did not add up to the cost of the new community center.  I sent her an email stating such.  I expected much foot stomping and toy throwing when I got home.

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How I Save Thousands Of Dollars and Get Professional Money Advice

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Anyone who read my previous posts, An Unintentional Meander Up Grumpus Avenue Part 1 and Part 2 understands the cost associated with my  decisions to either work with a money management professional, or go it alone.  While I can’t promise that I will never use a professional service again, currently I am a dedicated DIY investor.  However, it is not like I forgo all professional advice.  It is simply that these days I do not pay for it.  In this post I intend to show you how I saved thousands of dollars over the last three years, while obtaining professional level money and investing advice.  I will also point you in the direction of where you might be able to obtain the same level of advice for free, or almost free. Continue reading →

An Unintentional Meander Up Grumpy Avenue (Part 2)

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Grumpus the Story Teller

Gather round the campfire kids. Did I ever tell you the story of how I lost $766K?

If you are one of my three avid readers, then you may have wondered if I was ever going regale you with more (true) stories about my rather substantial money mistakes.  Well wonder no more, the time has come.  And while this story does not have the “I sold 300 shares of Amazon in 2004 to buy a house in the height of the market in Southern California” hook that An Unintentional Meander Up Grumpy Avenue Part 1 did; it does have an otherwise avoidable $20,000 dollar tax bill waiting at the end of it.  Not as memorable as my $750,000 opportunity cost?  Fair enough, that sum still makes me light-headed.  However, what if I told you I paid someone for the privilege of the $20,000  tax bill?  And it was potentially avoidable?  Stick with me and by the end of the story if you are not busting out the tried and true “Man that Grumpus is an idiot” line, then I promise you a full refund on your time and a beer next time we meet.

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Golden Albatross vs. The Visual Learner

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Not everyone learns the same way. Some people learn through reading, others learn through the spoken word, and ‎others yet learn visually.  I am a mix between reader and listener.  I will also concede that I am a rather verbose writer, and am aware that I have written extensively on creating a financial plan.  As a result, I wanted to try something different with this post.

Every now and then I like to push myself out of my comfort zone, so I thought I would build a financial plan by drawing some pictures.  I should warn you, I am graphically challenged.  And since I suck at drawing, I thought the use of Power Point might assist in producing something discernible.  As most military officers know, nothing makes us more stupid than attempting to boil a complex topic down to a few power point slides — which is exactly what I did.  I feel thoroughly chastened by the experience.  Regardless, I hope all the visual learners out there enjoy the product of arts and craft day here at the Grumpus Maximus HQ.

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Retirement Planning: How to Calculate Your “Gap Number”

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Grumpus Maximus Comment: I originally wrote this post with the intent to create a clear and concise step-by-step on how to calculate your Gap Number.  Turns out I wrote another tome.  Some of you may prefer my ramblings.  If so you are probably one of my relatives or friends.  Or maybe you are waiting to laugh at another of my $750,000 dollar financial mistakes.  Fair enough, all I can do is laugh about it too.  But in case you don’t prefer my ramblings, I thought I would quickly refer you to some other resources that are clear and concise.

First off, check out Darrow Kirkpatrick’s website Can I Retire Yet?.  I’ve talked about him before, so I won’t rehash my book and website review for him.  On his site under the Index link, if you scroll down to the Retirement Equation section, he walks you through everything you need to do in order to make your calculations.  The Mad Fientist also has a Planning section under his archive, which has several useful articles.  Finally, check out the two booklets I reviewed in my book review section entitled Early Retirement Solutions: How Much Money Do I Really Need to Retire & Achieve Financial Independence?  and Retire Sooner!: How to Optimize Your Plan to Achieve Financial Freedom by DJ Whiteside.  They are what I used to make my calculations. 

For the rest of you gluttons for punishment, please read on …

The Retirement Income Gap: What Does It Tell Us?

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The Grumpus Book Review: Is This The Perfect Golden Albatross Book?

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(**Grumpus Maximus is an Amazon affiliate.  See Disclosures for more details.**)

Stock Take

OK, I’ve written two monster posts over the past two weeks, one of which I felt was a personal best.  The other covered an extremely complicated topic which required a lot of research and rewrites.  Even with all the scrutiny, Grumpus Brotherus The Younger still had to catch a few mistakes in the first published version of my last article.

(Quick segue: For all you fresh faced bloggers out there, it turns out this blogging thing is a lot harder than it looks.  Not only do you have to create awesome content, but you need to make it look appealing with stock photography; think up terribly witty [or plainly terrible] captions; hotlink references to your previous posts; and promote your persona and site on social media.  Admittedly I cannot keep that pace of work up alone, so I am taking on some easier subjects and topics until I find a blogging assistant.  I am interviewing for the job in case you are interested.  You can submit your resume in the form of a 1000 word essay at grumpusmaximus@grumpusmaximus.com.)

All two avid readers of this blog may remember that I already wrote a post in which I reviewed three books, two booklets, and one chapter of a book.  I billed them as the perfect combination of reading material to build one leg in that three-legged stool of Financial Independence (FI) knowledge.  However, some of you may have been hoping that I would review a book written specifically for a Golden Albatross situation.  But unless I wrote a book about the Golden Albatross, no book out there is going to address the situation by name since I made up the metaphor.  Yet, during my FI educational journey, I’ve read a book that described the situation, just not in so many words.  The book is  Messages From Your Future: The Seven Rules for Financial, Personal and Professional Success by Larry Faulkner.  My review is below.  Enjoy …

Is there more ink on this page or my arm?

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